Island of Lost Laptops

Why are people still all wound up about losing laptops? For crying out loud, there's a reason why the press doesn't report about it anymore. Because it is Bo-Ring. I mean, I'm putting myself to sleep just typing this.

What I want, nay, what I demand is in-depth reporting on what happens to the laptops after they are lost. Gimme some intrigue, some action, and a taste of science gone horribly wrong. I'm guessing there's some island somewhere, a man with a whip and a SOX auditor's idea of discipline, and a crew of sad... well they're not Dells and they're not Compaqs, they're things. Toss in the seductive animal lure of the Apple OSX 10.3-woman, maybe a house of pain or two. Now we're talking.

Auditor: What is the law?
Regulator: Not to spill data. That is the law. Are we not men?

But, as you can see below, strict compliance to standards does not alway result in a social benefit.