Tuesday, June 19, 2007

New Concepts in Data, Compliance and Marketing or The Overly Dramatic Truth

Like the rest of the world, I read J. Cline's article on the upcoming data eclipse while listening to El P's I'll Sleep When You're Dead, which is the best way to read it.

J. Cline is prophesyin' the impending darkness where all corporations will crumble 'neath the cleated boot of data governance.

Mr. Cline identifies the signs of the data eclipse endtimes: Ford has abandoned autos to focus on quality improvement. Wal Mart has unburdened themselves of the lucrative Chinese tube sock trade for supply chain management. In the post-eclipse world, we must surrender control of our enterprises to the wanton desires of regulators, lawyers and audit chimps such as myself. We no longer make the decisions, but wait for them to be passed down from these distant parties who ponder our fate far from the red meat and hot breath of corporate operations. It's not the moon, after all, but the pointing finger of compliance and legality we should focus on.

I may have been born yesterday, sir, but I've been up all night. Like a diamond bullet between the eyes, I was struck with an aces-on Notion (with a little backing I think I could turn it into an Idea) which will make me the fortune I frankly deserve. A methodology that will empower the document generating wherewithal of ten thousand legions of certified information control professionals.

I will call it the Compliance Legal Object Audit Client Architecture: CLOACA. Look for my booth at a tradeshow near you.

CLOACA: You'll Be Surprised What Can Come Out Of It!

1 comment:

shrdlu said...

Euuuwwww!!! Just ... ew.